If you haven't read The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino, you need to. Please go do it right now and come back when you are done. The online version is HERE.
How are you? That's a question that I both crave and fear. It's one we hear all the time. More often than not, it's a simple greeting. With our family and close friends, it is one of concern and true interest. I struggle with how to answer this question honestly while not feeling like all I do is complain. Too often it is easy to say we're fine or we're great when the reality is that we're in pain and exhausted. How do you explain that you have to break yet another dinner engagement because you simply can't gather enough energy to go? The spoon theory helps me do that. If I can get my friends to think about things in terms of spoons then I don't have to worry about trying to make excuses. I can simply say I'm short on spoons and ask if we can reschedule?
I've come to hoard my spoons. I've got two really difficult days each week that require at least 24 hours of downtime each to recover from. This means that I'm not available 4 days a week, nor am I able to use those days to do normal stuff, like grocery shopping. So I've got 3 days a week to squeeze in two class sessions, homework, selecting and recording music for worship, updating and printing the bulletin, designing the the liturgy and writing the sermon. Oh yes, and try to throw in some sabbath time as well. That's part of the problem, I think. The recovery time from those two days is not the same as sabbath. It is not personal time for emotional and spiritual renewal and yet it might look like it is. I often lose sight of this fact. Some of my friends an family lose sight of it more often than I do, however. I fear that I am losing/have lost friends because I am simply not available very much lately. My spoons have been spoken for because of my schedule. This schedule will lighten in March and again in May. The question is, can I and my friendships hold on?
My question for you, dear reader, is how does our community of faith help or hinder people in this situation? It is natural to gravitate toward the energizer bunnies in our congregation. We need people who can get things done and are always available to take on that next project. We affirm them by thanking them publicly for their work and talk about them as great and faithful Christians. How are we affirming those in our community that cannot commit to such work because they don't know how they are going to feel from day to day or week to week? What do we say about those who do not attend worship regularly or don't come to Bible study every week? We look at them as less committed Christians when, in fact, for many of them, simply making it to worship more than once a month is an achievement. We also tend to compare persons with disabilities to other persons with disabilities. We forget that even people with the same illness often have very different experiences. I have MS. It affects my nervous system by attacking my spinal cord and my brain. Where these lesions appear determines what physical symptoms I experience. You could know a hundred people with MS and none of them will exhibit exactly the same difficulties. Each of them start out with a variety of numbers of spoons. Each day the number of spoons can change.
The challenge then becomes how can I, as a leader in a church, work to not just provide an accessible space in terms of affirmation but one that is inviting as well. How can I encourage my community to see all people equally and not judge worth or "Christian worth" by perceived activity? Maybe we could start by asking if we can be a spoon for someone today? How often have I wished a friend would call and say, "I've got to go to the grocery store today and I'll be in your area, can I pick up something for you?" That is not to say that I want someone to go shop for me, but sometimes I just need a loaf of bread or gallon of milk and I don't have the energy to do all the things necessary to go to the store. Sometimes I need a $5 prescription picked up. Sometimes I just need someone to offer. Can I be a spoon for you today?
May God grant you an endless supply of spoons so that you will never have to count them daily.
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